Ahh I don’t even know where to start with this one!! It might get very very long 🤣🙈

For those that don’t know me from the industry I am a Lash Artist!! And a pretty damn good one too 🤣 Without my career I would not be here right now that is for sure.

So we go back to 2014, I was just a mum to 2 young babies, 1.5 & 4. Completely depressed and riddled with anxiety with 0 self confidence. I really wanted to make some money for myself, perp did provide but we didn’t have alot and I hated asking for money. My last job was just pure fucking agg, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant for 4.5 years and all I ever got was fucking shit for it. He always thought I flirted with the men, reality is I was just about able to say hello to people without turning bright red I was so fucking uncomfortable. He used to turn up there too, insist on picking me up or taking me to make sure I was actually going to work. Or other times he would refuse to take me until last minute so I would be panicking not knowing how I would get there, sometimes I used to just start walking.

Anyways, the idea of lash extensions was put to me, there was a place just down the road that offered courses (which was great coz it meant I wouldn’t be too far so he would be ok with it) and it was only one day and fairly cheap!

Of course he was supportive, I would be working from home with only women. What’s not to love? Never in his wildest dreams would he of imagined it would help me to leave him, or that I would be able to earn more money than he ever could. IN YOUR FACE MOTHERFUCKER.

God was it hard though, I genuinely didn’t know how to speak to people I struggled just to talk to those I knew. After a few years of abuse & 2 young children I was severely withdrawn into myself. I joined some Facebook groups for help and this is when it really became quite an obsession for me, when I lashed or when I was talking about lashing I didn’t think about him.

Anyways I started to get pretty damn good! My reputation was growing and I was getting busier. Of course I had become more active on social media and subsequently using my phone more. This he didn’t like. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of phones he broke, possibly 8 or 9? I thought of it the other day actually, one of the kids asked if I had videos of them when they first started walking. And actually I don’t think I do, they would of been on phones that at some point had irreversible damage, I actually don’t have many pictures or videos of my babies when they were little, it breaks my heart.

I worked from my kitchen and I so desperately wanted a space of my own, so he came up with the idea of building a purpose built shed in the garden and installing CCTV to protect it. What a genius fucking idea to keep me at home under surveillance! He also likes to tell everyone he paid for it, erm no you fucking didn’t my hard earned money did thank you very much!!

And boy oh boy did he lap up the attention for building it. Oh what a wonderful partner he was! Even since I left he’s brought it up!!

For a very long time I had been in a dark place, particularly after having my boy at just 19 years old. Lashing gave me a whole new lease of life, I was actually good at something?! The more my reputation grew so did my confidence, ok maybe the confidence only came out whilst lashing but it was there and it was something!

Something that also grew was friendships, just the word makes me cry right now. I just cannot ever ever put into words how grateful I am for my friends. Through lashing I have made some of the best friends I could possibly ask for, I know they’ll be reading and probably weeping too, I just love you so much!

I didn’t really have many friends, some I had lost contact with because of him obvs and my relationships with my family had been pretty strained over the years because of him so most of the time I was very much alone.

Fuck man theres SO MUCH I could write about I keep getting sidetracked, there is no end to his cunty ways!

Back to lashes! Now I had my shed and I had also began to teach! Ahhh man, my dream fucking come true.

I remember one time we had a row and he let rip at me on Facebook, said that all I cared about was lashes I didn’t bother with him or the kids. Let me tell you, my lash girls HAD MY FUCKING BACK!!! They went in on him, it was incredible 🤣🙌 I know some of you will remember and I’m high fucking fiving you if you gave him shit 👋

That’s all he ever came out with,

“All you ever fucking do is work, all you care about is your work and your stupid fucking lash gang “

That’s one phrase in particular also that my son picked up on and used to throw at me, he doesn’t anymore but that’s only because I’m not working!

“All you care about is your work”

It hurts, it hurts because I know that I wasn’t always mentally there for my children. I zoned out of life and into the lash world to cope, if I am completely honest with you sometimes I do wonder if I would be alive without lashing. Like everything I hope one day they will understand.

I had the opportunity to travel to teach, not sure if anyone had noticed but I never travelled alone. He was always “worried” for me, driving long distances on my own. Probably coz it was “his” car. I had a license but for a long time I didn’t have a car, then when he decided to get a real fancy one he didn’t like me driving it. Even if I needed to drive it for school runs etc he would often take the keys or hide them right until the very last second I had to leave, so I would have no idea if I could even get my kids to school or not!

Anyways it always left me feeling so uncomfortable, worrying about finishing on time and whether or not I would actually get there!

Like the time we went up North, it was a good few hours journey so I booked a hotel for the night before. We got there fine everyone was in good spirits, the kids were excited for a night away! We went and picked up a dominos and were driving back to the hotel, I had the map up on his phone and we somehow took the wrong turn (even with a satnav I get lost) it wasn’t a huge deal we were literally minutes from the hotel anyways but to him it was.

“Why do I always have to fucking do everything? I’m driving all you have to do is tell me where to go but NO too fucking busy on your fucking phone as always because that’s all you care about”

I in fact had not been on my phone I tried so hard to sort it but he was getting worse, he started driving faster too like he always did. He was screaming and shouting and grabbed the phone from my hand, when he couldn’t fix the map he threw it at my head.

This wasn’t just a little throw, he threw that phone at my head so hard it instantly burst open. Within seconds I felt the blood coming down my neck, the pain was excruciating. I reached to touch it and my hand was covered in blood. I was screaming and the kids were crying and screaming in the back. Lucky my coat was black so I just tried to cover myself and use it to try to stop the bleeding.

We got back to the hotel and he refused to come in, I still vividly remember walking into the reception trying to cover my head and the blood and my face as it was puffy and my eyes were swollen. The kids were just asking where daddy was and why he wasn’t coming in, it was horrific.

Do you know how difficult it is to put on a brave face and be mum to your children when all your want to do is curl up in a ball and cry?

I fed the kids and put them to bed and got myself in the shower, I couldn’t even wash my hair properly 😭 though at least it had stopped bleeding.

The next morning I was in fucking bits, I didn’t even know if I would make it to the training. I actually started walking there because he refused to take me but he ended up picking me up in the end. I was so relieved to get there but man that was a hard fucking day.

What was even harder was then having to lie to my sisters face about it, she’s a hairdresser so of course the next time she did my hair she questioned it. The scar still remains years later.

I’m also sorry if I repeated that story its pretty horrific. Some incidents are just blurred because theres so many of them over such a long period of time but some will always be clear as day like this one, they go round and round and round in my head. I guess that is what PTSD is. I wonder if now I might be able to release it from my thoughts!

My future trainings etc I managed to get away with going on my own. I’m not sure how that level of freedom came about, he was never overly happy with it but I certainly was!

By this time I had become really quite well known. I had won a few competitions online, 2nd place in person (one of my proudest moments) I was becoming a different person, there was a strength building in me. I was by now financially supporting myself ans pretty much the whole family and he began to work less and drink more.

Although I loved my shed it was bitter sweet, in there I was safe and I was free. But everytime I left it I was filled with anxiety, particularly the evenings when I would finish lashing. I had no idea what state or mood he would be in.

In the last few months when he claimed to stop drinking he would be sober when I went out there. I would often then hear the car leave the drive and come back, and then here the clicking of bottles as he went back into the house. I would then spend the rest of my time absolutely fucking shitting myself and gearing myself to go back in the house not knowing what I would be in for tonight.

I would often wonder if I would get any sleep too because quite often I would be kept awake. I worked long old days in between school runs and looking after the house. I couldn’t ask him to help because it was always thrown back in my face at a later date.

It’s pretty ironic that after I left and did the odd client in there whilst the kids were in the house I was told I was neglecting my kids. But when I was out there working and he fucked off to the shop to buy alcohol it was fine? He threatened me with social services for that, he also told the kids via facetime he had called the police and they were on their way. That was the conversation that made me stop all contact between them. Noone in this world was going to lie to my children again no matter who the fuck they are, dad or no dad.

You know he tried to make my kids lie about it too, they would often slip up and then be worried that they had told me. He would buy them a sweet so they wouldn’t think about it, but my 2 are far too honest and clever for that shit!

I knew this would be a long one so I think I’m gona stop it here and create a part 2 (or part 3 😂🤦‍♀️) I’m bloody exhausted now!

If you are a fellow lash artist reading this I SALUTE YOU!

When I say lashing changed my life I truly mean it, it saved me.

Until next time,

B xxx