Ahhh it’s been too long, and to be quite honest I’m blogging because I can’t fucking bare to think about all the shit I have to do 😂😂
Little update for ya, without too many details of course! We’ve never been closer to moving out than now, at some point in the next week I’ll be viewing somewhere and hopefully will know whether it will be in time for Christmas or not. 6 months we’ve have been here now and it’s really becoming too much for all of us. We are done!
The move is an overwhelming thought but my god the positives outweigh the negatives! If its before Christmas there is so much to do with so little time but hey I’ve managed through worse situations.
A brand new start for all of us, I’m so unbelievably proud of the kids, we have grown so much closer as a 3 and I just can’t wait to build our new life in a stable, happy environment.
AND we will finally get our doggy back home with us where she belongs.
Absofuckinglutely not a chance in HELL anyone else is getting hold of her (there have been threats) She has been through way too much already, she needs our love.
All those times she used to run away petrified, I wonder if he could answer why?
Maybe it was because she had an accident in the house and was subsequently screamed at, stamped on, hit with things.
Maybe it was because she couldn’t bare the shouting, or my screams, or the house being torn apart.
Who knows, I could just be exaggerating again 🤷♀️
Oh woe is fucking me on Facebook as per usual, I’m not going to waste my energy writing about perp because it’s simply boring.
It’s actually really fucking sad that someone puts more effort into making people on social media feel sorry for them than their own children. Could’ve easily saved enough money for court in 9 months too…
9 months WOW amazing. The worst but best 9 months of my entire life.
And that’s the point I HAVE A LIFE.
Including a love life, now that will remain forever private but know that there are good men out there. Ones that will treat you with respect, make you laugh and make you feel like the most amazing beautiful woman in the world!
Or man if you are male survivor, I salute you all!
Someone told me today that I look completely different now, and I do it’s so fucking weird!! I’m the same person, I just seem to have a sparkle in my eye now?!
I don’t think my soul is completely healed yet but I’m getting there. The nightmares have eased, I’m overcoming alot of insecurities and my confidence has grown enormously. So much so my friends say my head is growing 🤣🤣🤣
Its baffling the amount of women I speak to who are going through abuse or have been through it. It makes me sad and it makes me angry.
Also, I want to point out that there are also many men who experience abuse but being a woman I just write this way!
And you know what is also baffling?
THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.
It’s actually scary, it’s like they’ve all been to the same fucking school or something. Every single time I speak with someone we will say, sounds just like my ex! Different fucking breed these bastards I tell ya.
Breaking free is hard, and when I think about it now reporting to police was a fairly easy way out. Without doing that I don’t know how I would of left.
The next hard part is staying free. I know there are so many of you in this stage, it’s hard, its exhausting and you just want to give up and go back to your “normality” however miserable and unhealthy and sad that is.
Trauma bonding is such a powerful thing, so much so it is compared to drug withdrawals.
I’ve taken this next part from a website because it explains trauma bonding much better than I can.
If you’ve ever observed a relationship that made you question whether it was love or abuse, then you’ve witnessed the toxic power of a trauma bond. This unique form of manipulation is characterized by repetitive behaviors, in which the narcissist operates within a cycle of abuse, resulting in a trauma bond that is strengthened with every repeated misdeed.
Before looking more closely at this trademark cycle, it’s important to know that narcissists don’t reserve their problematic behaviors only for romantic relationships. Trauma bonding can occur as a result of mental or physical abuse in any adult-to-adult relationship including those of boss and subordinate, professor and student, and colleague-to-colleague, just to name a few. It also extends to parent-to-child relationships, as well as other family relationships, and impacts both children and adults.
A narcissist’s cycle is an addictive pattern that fuels a need for validation, while conditioning their partner to believe toxic behaviors are normal. This cycle can be summarized in three stages: infatuation, devaluation, and rapid discarding of the partner. The loop becomes toxic as the partner begins to crave the infatuation that marked the beginning of the relationship, propelling them to quickly forgive and do anything to get the partnership back to a place of good feelings.
As the pattern repeats, a narcissist leverages inconsistent positive reinforcement to lure their partner back. Often, this cycle becomes an endless pursuit to win back the original love and admiration that was once abundant. By the time awareness kicks in, and it’s clear the relationship must end, victims often feel too trapped to leave.
It’s clever and calculating and quite fucking successful really.
The question is, how do we break that?
No fucking contact is the most important thing. Or limited contact which is often necessary if their are children involved. There are some perpetrators of abuse that can continue a somewhat healthy relationship with their children and of course it is something we should absolutely try. However, if you feel your child is at risk you are more than within your rights to stop all contact, mental and physical wellbeing of children is by far more important than what the perpetrator needs or wants. Please know that simply witnessing the abuse of one parent to another is also a form of domestic abuse, violent or not.
And by no contact I mean no fucking contact, not even a fucking text message because that shit can lure you back in. Delete their number, block their number, delete on WhatsApp and all social media.
And remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO THEM.
You don’t ever have to justify yourself to anyone in life. It is time to look after YOU.
Trying to argue with a typical narcissist is like arguing with a fucking 2 year old. You ain’t ever gona win. They want your attention whether that is positive or negative and you must not let them have it.
Ignoring a narcissistic and given no emotion and no reaction is what they dislike most. They CRAVE attention.
I also want you to know that leaving or planning to leave your abuser is the most dangerous time. Please do not be afraid to report their abuse to the police if needed, I mean I can’t say the Crown Prosecution system, or the criminal court system is much fucking use but police do help as much as they can from my experience. It’s evidence for you in the long run, and it also shows your abuser you ain’t fucking about this time.
You can also yourself apply for an injunction ie a non-molestation order (family court version of a restraining order) and an occupation order if needed to remove them from the property to keep yourself and your children if you have safe.
Of course you also have the option of refuge.
Please know I am always here for you as are many survivors and support systems.
Ima check out for now and I’m gona leave you with my fav song atm. And please, imagine me belting this one out!
Keep on going you beautiful amazing people, I’ll keep fucking going too 💪
Song for every blog…
Dua Lipa – Don’t start now
Did a full 180, crazy
Thinking ’bout the way I was
Did the heartbreak change me, Maybe
But look at where I ended up
I’m all good already
So moved on, it’s scary
I’m not where you left me at all, soIf you don’t wanna see me dancing with somebody
If you wanna believe that anything could stop meDon’t show up, don’t come out
Don’t start caring about me now
Walk away, you know how
Don’t start caring about me nowAren’t you the guy who tried to
Hurt me with the word goodbye
Though it took some time to survive you
I’m better on the other side
I’m all good already
So moved on, it’s scary
I’m not where you left me at all, soIf you don’t wanna see me dancing with somebody
If you wanna believe that anything could stop meDon’t show up, don’t come out
Don’t start caring about me now
Walk away, you know how
Don’t start caring about me now
Until next time,
B xxx
12 years & out 