It’s been a strange few days, and I’m not really too sure what to write because I just feel strange 😂🤷‍♀️

Life in refuge is so weird, the only way I can describe it is you are basically living in limbo. I have so much free time sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself but I have been more productive as of late. Trying to write myself to do lists and just organise my life a bit more. But the problem is I get so many thoughts and ideas and dreams in my head and then I overload myself and actually end up doing fuck all. One thing I’m starting to learn is to pace myself, sometimes I just stop and think, ok B, can you realistically do all of this shit? OR is this shit actually important right now? The answer is usually no!

Although having company here is nice sometimes, I would really like my own space. Sharing 1 room with 2 kids when your with them 24 hours every single day is fucking irritating if I’m honest. I love them, but it drives me insane.

So difficult being so far from everyone I love, although I can now talk to them whenever I want I’m still pretty isolated. A trip to see anyone is 1.5 hours each way, it’s not like I can drop in for a quick cuppa. I’m always on the road. My mental health is so much better when I’m around people. I’ve definitely noticed that my down days usually come once I’m back after being away with friends or family for a few days.

Like the last time I blogged, to be honest all I wanted was a cuddle from someone I love 😭 that’s probably the thing that hurts the most. I just wish so bad for my own place that’s closer or even if it was still far atleast they can also come to see us.

Few hours after I last blogged we ended up in hospital for 24 hours with my girl, literally had nothing with me not even a phone charger. I couldn’t take my boy to school either and it’s so frustrating not having any help around. But I guess even if they were closer it’s not like they could pop into my house and grab stuff, noone knows where I am, noone is allowed here either, of course I totally agree with it, it’s for the safety of everyone here not just us.

For the first time in a while I saw my old friends yesterday 👮‍♂️

Perp seems to think he can harass me and try to intimidate me through emails to my solicitor. His pathetic letters to the kids with his sly little comments. Mate, it ain’t gona happen. All your doing is adding to my already rather long list of evidence. So please, keep it up. So funny reading bits where he slips up and loses control. I bet it kills him 🤣

And yes I will keep trying to have you arrested because eventually you will just get banged up. Legit pray every day for it!

I’ve literally never known anyone post so much of their life on fb either, seriously who are you trying to kid? Your boring and just an absolute cringe mate. Thinking your some sort of sugar daddy who can have any bird, HOW you even managed to pull me in the first place is a miracle in itself.

I wonder if your ex left you or you left her? Doesn’t matter onto the next one, don’t take long does it. These poor women just have no idea…

And just saying your £170 odd quid trainers could’ve almost paid for court btw, LOL.

Enjoy your bike when ya get it, try not to be too careful, just go for it!! Hopefully you end up under a lorry.

I shouldn’t wish death on someone but 🤷‍♀️

Would you if you were me?

Imagine having to spend the rest of your life dealing with an absolute fuckwit who only cared about themselves. An evil, abusive, violent and selfish human who will lie til they are blue in the face even to their own children.

And no, you haven’t changed you just tell Facebook that 😂😂 HA cunt.

How many times did I hear that old chestnut? It’s laughable.

How can you change when you can’t admit what you did wrong in the first place? Oh no sorry I forgot it’s all lies 🙄

And I certainly don’t brain fuck my own children with lies, they had enough of that from you. I don’t need to speak about you, why would I? You think I sit there all day every day oh your dads this and your dads that. NA MATE. I ain’t wasting my breath, again you are not my focus and never will be, soz.

I think I’ve dealt with it all pretty good actually, it has thrown me a little but not like before. I’m definitely better at dealing with it, as always my subconscious says otherwise but whatevs I’m used to that. Would be nice to go to sleep and have peaceful dreams but such is life. I could be sleeping next to it still 🤷‍♀️😂

I’m not sure if I am religious or not, but I do thank god every single day that I’m free from him. No matter how bad life seems right now I’m no longer abused and controlled. I am free to be whoever the fuck I want to be. I can do what I want when I want with no consequence. I can wear what I want, watch what I want and listen to what I want. Go places when I want and not have to explain why, or have some really important reason to go.

Just because I FUCKING WANT TO.

Most of you reading this won’t be able to understand how amazing that is and actually I hope that you never have to.

So much in life that we take for granted, so much that we wish for. But ultimately true freedom is all that matters. Being in control of your own life is all that matters. Yeh maybe you will fuck up, we all make mistakes sometimes and wish we had done things differently.

And maybe you don’t have perfect lives, perfect relationships, perfect jobs, perfect houses or perfect children. But you are FREE AND IN CONTROL of your own destiny, your own dreams and your own fuck ups.

Be so god damn grateful for that.

Song for every blog has gota be…

Ultra Nate – Your free

When you’re down and you’re
Feeling bad
Everybody has left your side
Feels like no one will pull you through
It’s your life, whatcha gonna do?
Make that change, so let’s start today
Get outta bed, get on your way
Don’t be scared, your dream’s right there
You want it reach for it

‘Cause you’re free
To do what you want to do
You’ve got to live your life
Do what you want to do
C’mon and shout ’cause you’re free
To do what you want to do
You’ve got to live your life
Do what you want to do
Now’s the time ’cause you’re free