So was on my work phone earlier (my old phone) and google drive pops up with photos so I had a scroll, and I found screen shots from the messages of that last night so I thought I would share. The way perp talks to me here is standard, this was every day life for me. When I now read it I think wow, I actually let someone talk to me this way? Let’s also bare in mind when he’s calling me a tramp and implying I’ve gone off to fuck someone that he had just assaulted me and threw me out.

Would you believe this was my “husband”

Also a couple of pics of bruising to my legs and chest (but apparently there was no photo evidence) I took a few days later, doesn’t include the other leg that was cut open, it still bares a scar now! Or the bruising from on backs of my arms from the grabbing.

I’m not sure why I feel the need to share them today but I do.

Ps that phone screen is cracked because of him obvs.

“Tramp dare you come back when turn phone on”

For the first time in ages I see his face in my mind too, those evil fucking eyes and the snarl on his face.

It does makes me angry that I allowed myself to be treated that way. I literally had no self worth. I must of believed that was all I was worth and that’s pretty damn horrifying.

Earlier my boy asked me what the furthest I had walked was, and I just had a vision of walking home after he dropped me off somewhere. We would often be rowing in the car and he would just stop and make me get out and walk.

So I guess today I’ve had flashbacks? PTSD for you I guess 🤷‍♀️

I remember walking down the road towards home thinking please noone see me, please noone stop and ask why I’m walking. I hated being kicked out and having to walk the streets, it was so embarrassing. The amount of times I’ve sat in bus stops, parks, fields. I slept in the field once, in the middle of the day. He kicked me out for whatever reason so I went to the fields so noone would see me about and all I wanted to do was sleep so I could get away from it all, so I laid down in the grass and went to sleep. Got woken up by a woman walking her dogs she must of thought I was off my rocker.

Why didn’t I tell someone? Why didn’t I ask for help?

I don’t know the answers and I guess no survivor does or will ever know. Control of the mind is just so complex and difficult to understand.

My career was a huge reason that I stayed for so long, and even though I miss it every single day so badly, nothing was ever worth that.

Nothing is worth being physically and mentally abused every single day.

And nothing is worth the crippling anxiety of trying to hide it every single day.

I hated being seen by the neighbours after or during a row, I knew what they heard and I knew what they were thinking and I was so ashamed.

Do you know how many times he threw my stuff out onto the street? One time it was all my beauty stuff too, imagine how fucking embarrassing it is trying to desperately pick all your shit up of your front garden before people start to notice. Meanwhile he’s bellowing out the front door or the window launching more shit out.

Packing my stuff was like a monthly thing, a bit like a period. He would go to my wardrobes, rip it all out (if he was being generous he would black bag it all up) mostly though it would be thrown down the stairs or at me. In the end I didn’t care about clothes I just always tried to protect my lash stuff. I’d be praying please no not my stock for fucks sake 😫

When we were on holiday getting ready I realised I had no highlighter, then I remembered thats because he stamped up and down on my make up bag and it smashed and thats why I didn’t have any.

Not long before I left we were trying to move our room around and the drawer under my side of the bed was being a pain. So he ripped it out, tipped everything out of it all over the bedroom and then blamed me for it telling me I was a messy unorganised fucking prick. Then continued to rant and rave at me whilst I picked it all back up.

GOD IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY.

How fucking dare you!!

You vile waste of oxygen. Should of been a poxy fucking wank stain on your parents sheets.

At no point ever in my future life will I allow anyone to do that shit to me, and certainly not a man.

I definitely feel more secure now, yes I would like someone to give me a spoon but other than that I’m good. I think I’ll just be the “hoe” that he thinks I am and that’s that, you can all fucking do one coz let’s face it pretty much all men are cunts. And if they aren’t a cunt they are probably already taken.

I guess that’s that, mind at peace now though I have a feeling tonight’s dream is gona be a bit shit.

Song for every blog…

Ps, Have you imagined what his face will be like when he eventually discovers this blog? Amazing 😂😂😂😂😂

Pussycat Dolls – I don’t need a man

I don’t need a man to make it happen,

I get off being free,

I don’t need a man to make me feel good,

I get off doing my thing,

I don’t need a ring around my finger,

To make me feel complete,

So let me break it down,

I can get off when you ain’t around

Until next time,

B xxx