Omg I can’t believe I missed it!!

Yesterday was 6 months since I left that dick, WAHOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh my gawwwd I am so proud of myself right now. Except for missing it coz I wanted to do a special blog but here it is 24 hours late it’s all good 😂

I cannot believe it, how the FUCK I survived these last 6 months let alone 12 years I have no idea. It’s been fucking hell on earth but I did it!

The best decision of my whole entire life. And you know what? I no longer feel ashamed that I didn’t leave before, because now I realise that I couldn’t of. My mind wasn’t strong enough and my mind wasn’t ready. One thing I always knew is that when I did leave it would be all or nothing. And one thing that helped was NO CONTACT.

No contact is absolutely crucial when leaving an abuser, because their words alone can reel you right back in. And he tried it, oh lawwwwwd did he try it. He tried hard I’ll give him that. And of course they will, you think they’ve spent all those years working so hard to get you under control that they just gona let you go like that? Not a chance.

We are actually very important to them, coz without us what are they?

What are you now perp? An absolute cunt fuck that noone likes, noone will tolerate anymore because I’m not there, you have no aspirations, no real dreams, no determination, no real friends or family and no love.

What am I now? A free, fun, loving, strong, stubborn, determined young woman who has the world at her feet mate.

How’s that feeling right now?

I have incredible friends and family, a whole fucking army of women behind me rooting for me, 2 beautiful children and the most amazing career that I built all whilst you tried your hardest to tear me down.

But listen, I got back up.

You literally had the most amazing woman in your life and you fucked it.

#gutted 😂

You may pretend to be happy with your new victim, but you are not capable of love and you never will be.

Abusers cannot physically love, they don’t understand emotions and they don’t feel them. In those nice stages they are simply pretending because they know thats what we want to see and what we expect to see because we are good people. We assume that others are just like us. But unfortunately not, devils in disguise.

And aren’t they good at acting? Holy shit someone get this cunt an Oscar! 😂

I remember telling some of my clients what he was really like after I left and some were SO shocked. Said he seemed so polite and helpful! Well yeh, to everyone else he did of course. But if you got close enough you would see the cracks.

He also knew this and this is why he tried so hard to isolate me, again like they all do.

Isolation is KEY to control.

Finding excuses to dislike friends and family, oh this person never makes effort with you, this person says stuff about you behind your back, they did this to this person they aren’t a good friend/sister etc. So you doubt your circle and begin to withdraw, and who’s there playing the nice guy? Suddenly they are the only person you can trust.

They will also find things to pick at about you being around them, so if it’s the opposite sex they will accuse you of cheating or accuse them of trying it on with you etc and because you then feel really awkward and uncomfortable you no longer see or speak to them. You begin avoiding people.

And what about going places? You know what that prick always told me, you never take your kids anywhere unless it suits you. So for instance out with other mums in the holidays, LIKE ANY NORMAL MOTHER DOES TO GET OUT THE HOUSE AND HAVE SOME PEACE PRICKFACE. (Soz I do sometimes thing I have torets 😂) Or, I never wanted to do anything with the kids as a family only by myself because I hated him.

So, I rarely went out with the kids with other mums. But then I’d get, you never fucking do anything with your kids, all you care about is work bla bla, fucking bla.

And actually, he was correct, I didn’t want to go anywhere with him coz he was such a fucking embarrassment.

Honestly I fucking CRINGE at the thought of being anywhere near you. HOW did you actually get near me in the first place? Punching much.

This has led quite nicely to this actually coz this thought has been in my head a bit and it needs to come out..

You may think his shit happened behind closed doors only but it didn’t, it also happened in public. One very vivid memory I have is in a restaurant sometime last year I think.

Whenever we went anywhere the cunt fuck went drunk. Honestly who goes out in the middle of the day with their kids absolutely steaming? Pathetic scumbag.

But he’s not an alcoholic.

Na, course not. Keep telling yaself that pal 😂

Anyway we were going out for dinner, to Miller and Carter our fav restaurant! Only one the kids wouldn’t moan at going to, fucking expensive taste or what man. We knew we were going all day so I begged him please, please dont drink until we get there.

But of course, he sank a few before we left the house and then on the way there in the car. Yes he always drove under the influence with his kids in the car. Another medal for worlds best father right there.

He was fucked by the time we got there. Literally swaying at the fucking table. He was always drunk in restaurants and I couldn’t bare it, when the waiters would try take our order he would take forever and ramble on about random shit that they didn’t even ask. Honestly their faces made me want to DIE right there on the spot.

I would try so hard not to get annoyed but I couldn’t help it. It is that much to ask to not be drunk around your own children? He would flit between nit picking at me to being nice, and eventually I would get the hump and bam there we have it IT’S ALL FUCKING MY FAULT.

I’m the moody cunt who spoils everything.

So something kicked off like always and he starts going off on one in the middle of the restaurant. There’s me trying to be quiet and reason with him and calm the situation, face turning bright red because I can feel the whole world staring.

Then he stands up, rips his wedding ring off and fucking launches it at me.

In the middle of a restaurant infront of our kids.

Do you have any idea how degrading, upsetting and humiliating that is?

Then he begins to walk out but stops infront of the couple next to us.

And he starts shouting at the woman something along the lines of..

“And what the fuck are you looking at eh? Have a good old stare you fucking pricks”

I think any normal person would of been staring to be honest.

I then had to sit there for another 15 minutes whilst the kids got their deserts with the whole restaurant staring at us and talking. All I wanted to do was cry I was so hurt, and not only for the situation that had just occurred but for what was coming next. I knew he would be waiting outside in the car working himself up and quite frankly I was fucked. I could of left earlier but I didn’t want to let the kids miss their pudding 😫 why should they miss out because of him? So as always I held it together and put my brave face on for them.

I guess I was too a good actor!

It took me about 9 months to go back to that restaurant again.

I don’t quite remember what happened when we got home, too many incidents to remember them all.

Cor I’m tired now, my brains done in I gota call it a night.

Song for every blog, hope you one day sing it and weep motherfucker 🤣

Christina Aguilera – Fighter

“Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game
I heard you’re goin’ round playin’, the victim now
But don’t even begin feeling I’m the one to blame
‘Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies cause you’re wanting to haunt me
But that won’t work anymore, no more,
It’s over
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture
I wouldn’t know how to be this way now and never back down
So I want to say thank you
Cause it

‘Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to know the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you’ll see
You won’t stop me

I am a fighter and I
I ain’t goin’ stop
There is no turning back
I’ve had enough”

Until next time,

B xxx