The old blog is gona be a little quiet this week as we are on holiday wahooo!!!

Ahh I wasn’t sure if we would actually get here. I kept thinking he would somehow try to stop us from going, legally I don’t need permission to take the kids out of the country unless it’s longer than 28 days but still you can get court orders to prevent it. How fucked up would that be if perp spent hundreds to stop his kids going on holiday but not to get contact?
Wouldn’t surprise me!
Had visions of him somehow finding out the date and turning up at the airport 🙈
I’ve had some fucked up dreams over the past week or so too, especially the night before I basically didn’t sleep.
But none the less we are here!!

AND with no stress!!

The night before I literally laid in bed thinking this is surreal, am I going to wake up soon and this is all a dream? Because it’s just too good to be true.
One of my bestie’s is with us (I will refer to her as bestie as always I don’t like to mention names to protect identity’s, did you notice I legit have to live some secret ass service life now?!)

The whole run up to holiday was just weird. Usually it’s such a hideously stressful time. From organising it to packing to the travelling. Normally “I’ve done nothing”. I would plan the whole fucking holiday and be told I had done fuck all for it. Coz I’m too busy with my lash gang, BORING 🙄
Perp was particularly cunt fuckish around special occasions and holidays. I’m not entirely sure why, I’ve since read that they don’t like anything that takes the attention away from themselves so maybe that’s why!
Anyone who has children knows travelling with them is not at all for 1 second easy or fun. However, perp took it to a whole other level. You gota remember travelling for adults is boring as fuck let alone for kids but he never understood that. In fact he never understood anything about other peoples feelings or how they perceive things, simply because he didn’t give a fuck.

Honestly these people really are the most self centred creatures on earth.

So yeah getting here was a little stressful but nowhere near as bad as normal. I would usually end up in tears at some point along the journey after being screamed at for something I didn’t do or something I didn’t do well enough.
You know what else perp was actually so embarrassing in every aspect of life especially in public. He would criticise everyone on everything they did. Didn’t matter if he knew them or not or if we were in public or not.
We have had many a row in public and definitely on holiday. When my boy was just under 2 we went to Greece for the first time. We had such bad arguments people complained. I always remember this one time we were arguing he was off his face as usual, and he was in the bathroom screaming at himself in the mirror that he wasn’t crazy. It genuinely haunts me, I have never seen anyone loose the plot like that in my life, I was petrified he would wake the boy (lucky he sleeps through pretty much anything) or that people would come to the room to find out what was going on. I think he was punching the mirror too, I can’t remember too much but I remember the fear.

I’ve found that I can’t always remember the facts, particularly because they were so many many hideous rows and attacks that happened, but I always remember the feelings. It’s the same for my nightmares now, I don’t always know what happened but I wake up feeling the same feelings as when bad shit went down. Again I think that’s a bit of PTSD there.

Bestie is sleeping now btw, only bad thing about her is she goes to bed early 😂 I say early, its 12.18pm and I’m wide awake I think there’s a strong possibility I’m the one with the issue 🤦‍♀️
I’ve literally been awake til 1.30ish most nights for the last week or 2, then I just have fucked up dreams and broken sleep but whatever!

I’ve known bestie for 10 months ish now? Not long at all, but long enough for me to know the universe bought her to me for a reason. Now my eyes are filling and hers probs will tomorrow when she reads this round the pool!
I have SO many incredible friends and family, I am so so God damn grateful for every single one of you. Please don’t be offended by this because I’m certain your time on the blog will come soon!

I met bestie when I trained her in lashes (see lashing really is the best life) and she was one of those people where instantly you think, yeh this is my kind of person, this is a bit of me!! We got on so well so quick, she was also an exceptionally quick learner and is actually incredibly talented in lashing.
Bestie is also a police officer and a damn good one at that. When she told me I was like shit man you are so cool!!!

You know when perp had the kids before we came to refuge (took them from the garden) he actually tried to tell them she wasn’t a real police officer, she was lying 😂😂😂 why would you even say that? He’s so fucking fucked up it’s untrue.

Anyways we became quite close quite quick, as close as I could be to anyone back then. And of course, perp didn’t approve, he didn’t trust her. But I was used to him not liking my friends so I never said too much, I kept my closest as safe as possible, or as distant as possible sometimes as I’ve spoken about before.
I remember her telling me she had previously worked in the domestic abuse department, I was a little shocked because I didn’t know then such departments existed. I thought well this is odd, again kept that to myself. In some strange way it gave me comfort, although at this point I had no real idea of the extent of the abuse I was living through I knew that it wasn’t normal. I felt a little safer with bestie around.

Just before Christmas I lashed her for the first time, I spent about 3 hours on them and we talked every single minute of it and you know what? To this day still the best set I ever created, that is how comfortable and relaxed I am around her even with that prick in the house, I felt safe.

One time she told me about a lie detection course she had been on and I remember asking her so many questions, I wanted to test them out on perp!

She came to one of my workshop’s as a friend in early Feb and this is prob when I really opened up a little about perp to her. This was the time I had really began to try to leave him, I’m pretty sure it was that night I then left for several days as it was horrific when I got home. I didn’t tell her many details, but she now says she had pretty much guessed what was happening after that conversation.

The day after I left I told her pretty much everything, it was such a relief. She says she remembers in particular that I would stop messaging her back in the evenings (other people have said this too) and she did wonder if it was because of him.

Ever since she has been there for me no matter what every single day. One of the most caring, thoughtful people I have ever met.

When I was still in the house it was very uncomfortable for those that came to see me, and she was one of those that did it anyways no matter what. Even when she had perp scowling at her, taking pictures & videos of her and hurling abuse at her.

” You better not be sleeping in my fucking bed”

Honestly, all I’m commenting on that is you sad fucking prick.

Ps I hope your enjoying your bed with its beer stained mattress, and your cars, and your TVs, fridge, cooker, washing machine, tumble dryer and everthing else you insisted on having and taking from your children 🖕 Don’t worry, I can afford new ones with my 3k a week wage…😂😂

Continued on part 2…