The first one is pretty bad, probably one of the worst physical attacks I had and one that will absolutely haunt me forever. I don’t think I’ve told a soul this story apart from police officers in my statements. It’s a shame that we couldn’t prosecute for this incident as it was the only one I had hospital records for evidence but unfortunately after 6 months it is classed as historical abuse. There is a campaign to change this law but who knows what the future will hold!
We are going to go back roughly 8.5 years ago, my boy was around 7 or 8 months old. I had post-natal depression and struggled alot after having him, being just 19 with a baby and living through abuse hit me hard, not surprisingly really! I had never left him overnight before so this was a huge deal, I didn’t like leaving him!
We were living in a flat at the time and had arranged a night out whilst my in laws looked after the boy.
I didn’t often drink, still don’t now to be honest. I think by this point I was extremely wary of how his behaviour was when drunk that I liked to be in control, this night would unfortunately enforce this even more and I think after I went possibly a good few years before ever touching another drop.
We went for a meal first, though he didn’t actually eat coz he was also on the gear 🤦♀️ basically then we just went to a bar and got absolutely fucking hammered. Once we had had enough we went home, and this was quite possibly the drunkest I had ever been in my whole entire life it was horrendous.
I remember being on our bean bag in the living room, I was so spannered I genuinely couldn’t even talk. Motor mouth was rabbiting on as per usual, I tried to talk back but the room was just spinning.
He started to get really irate with me for not talking back, I tried to explain I was just too drunk but he didn’t care he didn’t want to listen. Just said I clearly didn’t love him or want to be with him.
He was a proper hoarder of shit and in the living room we had a huge pile of car stereos, not just the front face part but the whole inner bit too. Not sure if you’ve held one of those but they are actually very heavy, its just pure metal.
The next thing I knew he was picking it up and launching it at me, how the fuck I managed to get my arm up to shield my face in that state I don’t know! It hit my right arm, I can’t explain the pain of it.
Then he’s on me, he grabbed me and just started throwing me around. He dragged me into the bedroom and all I remember is literally just being launched around the room.
He got me onto the bed he was pinning me down by my arms and my throat whilst I was trying to fight him off me. I imagine he was kneeling on my legs as I’m quite handy with those and I don’t remember being able to kick.
He was screaming in my face, literally foaming at the mouth. I managed to get my left arm up to try protect my face and that’s when he bit me. It felt like slow motion, I remember feeling and seeing his teeth just sinking harder and harder into the back of my arm and he held onto it for what seemed like minutes. When he released it there was blood, he had broken the skin.
I moved my arm down and then he went for me again and bit down onto my boob. This wasn’t so hard I guess it was less fleshy than my arm but I still had teeth marks for a few days.
I think he left me alone after that, I remember running to the toilet to be sick. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or the whole attack that made me sick or both.
I don’t remember much after that.
When I woke up in the morning my right arm was fucking massive, it looked bowed almost?! I genuinely thought he had broken my arm the pain was unbearable. I went to hospital that day, the only time I saw anyone for injuries from him. Of course he came with me, I lied and said I fell over whilst drunk. Luckily it wasn’t broken.
My left arm was actually horrific, from my shoulder to my elbow was black literally fucking black. I hid my whole arm for weeks.
I always had to hide bruises, I was petrified of anyone seeing them. My family did sometimes question them but obviously I lied. I always lied to protect him, I was completely under his spell of control.
The next one is just before our honeymoon which I’ve touched on before. This hurts me bad, 1 because it was 2 days before our honeymoon and 2 because it was the first time he full on punched me. Not that only punching is bad because the other shit is fucking hideous, even a small push is not acceptable at any fucking point, it was just more the shock I think!
So he posted a photo of me on HIS Facebook, note I said HIS not mine. Some guy on his Facebook then decides to “love” this photo of just me, there were other photos of us both but he choose just the one of me.
And who was to blame for that?
Me.
I literally had never ever even heard this mans name before let alone know him. But apparently, I was giving off a vibe to men that I wasn’t happy and that I wanted to leave him.
First of all, I never fucking went anywhere apart from Aldi and the school run. And whenever I did go anywhere I walked with my head down I didn’t speak to people, I had learnt a long time ago to watch my behaviour out and about because it would always get me in trouble. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone!! (This is one of the biggest changes I’ve seen in myself since leaving btw, it’s still really difficult for me but I try to keep my head up and look at people)
He literally went off his fucking nut. I can’t quite remember what happend within the house but there was definitely some shit launched my way and some scuffling because I had bruises all over my legs, particularly my left thigh it was black until long after we got back from a 10 day holiday.
I ran out into the garden to get away from him and was standing on the patio, he came towards me and punched me straight in the chest. That punch literally put me on the floor.
For those that don’t know me I’m literally a midget, prob 5ft 2ish and would’ve weighed around 7 and a half stone. I’m a tiny woman.
He is roughly 5 ft 11 and probs 12 stone.
I’m surprised he didn’t break something.
It took me a minute or 2 to get up the wind was knocked straight out of me.
When I got up I ran round the side of the house to the doorway of my shed, he followed me round and had me by the throat, he launched me back and I cracked my head on the edge of the doorway.
All this because someone liked a photo on Facebook.
I don’t remember what happened after that but I do remember him telling me about this guy. Do you know the worst part?
He told me how this guy was evil and had been in prison for previously beating his girlfriend.
Did he honestly, genuinely believe that I would risk cheating on my husband who was physically fucking abusive to me with another guy who was also physically fucking abusive to women.
FUCKING WRONG IN THE HEAD MATE.
It literally sickens me to the core.
Don’t ask me why I then went on honeymoon, I can’t answer it. Just like I can’t answer why I stayed for so long, I just did.
The next one is the honeymoon.
Well he was a prick on the wedding night so I couldn’t really expect anything better on the honeymoon could I?
Already I went on the honeymoon with a very sore chest and back, a lump on my head and arms and legs covered in bruises.
The first few days were actually ok, remorse stage of course. He didn’t drink much so that also helped.
Also I don’t want anyone to believe that his abuse stemmed from alcohol or drugs, many attacks both physical and verbal happened sober. It’s just that alcohol and drugs increased the severity of it.
He was obviously on best behaviour after the last one but after a few days he must’ve got bored. Like most alcoholics he had a drink of choice, Desperado’s. Couple days in he must of been gagging for one because we literally drove miles to find a shop that had them 🤦♀️ That’s when he started to turn again.
We had a few brief arguments, mostly over how much he was drinking but nothing too major. I swallowed so much, I kept so much in determined not to let it get bad. I just wanted to have a nice time, I was also scared of course of being in a foreign country alone with him.
He stormed out a few times, would always come back with more drink and chill out again.
We got through the majority of it ok.
The last day we had a long old wait til our flight and check out of the villa was really early. We pretty much sat on the beach all day.
Everything seemed fine until suddenly he snapped.
“Get the fuck away from me you fucking slag”
“What? Wtf? What are you on about?”
” You fucking looking at that dude over there making eye contact, looking him up and down while I’m sat here like a fucking mug”
” Who? What the fuck are you on about? I don’t even know who you are talking about?”
” Checking each other out are ya? I can fucking see it, you fucking tramp get away from me”
I then was naturally in tears pleading with him that I hadn’t been looking at anyone, I begged him and I promised him I that hadn’t.
” Oh now your gona try make me look the cunt with your fucking water works your so dramatic always wanting a fucking scene to get a bit of attention. Oh hey look at me I’m so unhappy with my husband”
At this point he had already moved his sunbed away from me, thrown his wedding ring at me and begun packing his shit to walk off yet I was being dramatic?
I was in fucking shock, he went from 0-100 rage in about 2 fucking minutes!!
Btw, he often threw his ring at me. I took pictures today of it (yes if you ever read this of course I have it I paid for it cunty) to sell it and it has a fucking dent in it from being thrown!
He stormed off while I was scrambling to get my stuff together to follow him, trying to hold the tears in whilst the whole beach stared.
I was heart broken.
I’m not even sure how I had any heart left to break but I did.
I had been the perfect wife on this holiday and that’s what I got for it? Not only had he ruined my wedding he ruined my honeymoon.
He needed me to remember who was the boss, who was in control.
After a while he calmed down, he had shown me what was what and that’s all it took to get me to back down. Like animals do, I can’t think of the word but you’ll know what I mean.
Submissive! I was submissive.
It was just another day in my life I guess. Pretty shit innit?
So yeh that’s some painful shit out, hopefully I may be able to move on from those now.
Now comes a song for each blog.
Yes, I decided earlier each blog needs a song!!
This one is because it came on earlier and it made me feel good. Made me proper smile so yeh.
Also, if you are reading these uou know you can subscribe to get emails when I’ve added more. If your not fucking bored of reading my depressing bullshit yet anyways 🤣 just go to the bottom of the whole main page!
Kelly Clarkson-
Since you’ve been gone,
I can breathe for the first time,
I’m so moving on,
Yeah yeah!
Thanks to you,
Now I get, what I want,
Since you’ve been gone.
Until next time,
B xxx
12 years & out 