This was the last entry I wrote about 2 weeks ago, it’s been a quiet 2 weeks which is always actually more stressful sometimes because you don’t know what’s coming. Anyone that knows the abuse cycle will be aware of the “tension” stage, this is by far the worst of all, worst than the attacks. Many warriors out there will probably agree that they just wanted the attack to happen because being in the flight or flight mode for so long is just insidious. I’ll definitely share more of that stage in time, I’ve done so much research and learnt so much I want to pass that knowledge on for sure!

Wow it’s been a hard few days, I thought be would be remanded until court but he was sentenced straight away. 1 breach of a non-molestation order, 1 charge of stalking ( going back to when the non-mol was taken out 3 months ago) and 3 counts of assault by battery = 5 months suspended for 2 years, some compensation and 150 hours of unpaid work.

For 5 months I have been stalked, harassed and intimidated by perp. I’ve had my name fucking slaughtered, every single day I live with crippling anxiety and am on edge. Every day I relive the shit he did to me and the stress of the new drama that unfolds. Every day i see the impact of the damage and trauma he has caused to my children. Every day I feel the pain of what he put us through and what he continues to put us through. Every day I wonder what our future holds and if it will ever be normal. Every day I wonder if he is going to find us, or if he is following us or someone else is. Every day we live in fear and yet again he walks free as a bird.

There is no justice here. There will never be justice for what he has done and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Yeh hes on a suspended sentence but fucking seriously? Has anything stopped him before? He believes hes untouchable and let’s face it he is.

We miss having our own home, we miss seeing our friends, we miss our family and we miss our Stella.

Sometimes I just want to hold my hands up and say I am fucking done mate. I can’t fight anymore and I don’t want to fight anymore. But even in those moments I know I won’t ever give in, all I can do is do my best. I will try to fix our broken souls and build them up to never be hurt again. I will protect those 2 babies with my life and do my best to be that 1 stable loving and caring parent no matter what happens.

He never thought I would walk away or stand against him but I will be stronger than he ever thought I was. .

Until next time,

B xxx