This is difficult one to read even for me, abuse comes in many forms and although the mental abuse was by far worse the physical brings painful memories.

To any of you reading that attended my training in Rotherham about 3 years ago, notice the part about the scar on my head. That happened 12 hours before that training, I still had blood matted in my hair. Although that memory hurts it’s a strangely proud moment for me knowing how strong I was to still put that brave face on and deliver my training as I always do. For that I high five myself!

Here goes…

Sometimes I’m just like where do I even start trying to get my thoughts down?

Perp has been on the run from the police for a week now, tormenting them on social media and making a big joke of it. To be fair they’ve been trying and I’m truly hoping they are finally taking me seriously because this is just going too far now. My boys had nightmares all week of him breaking into peoples houses to take them, he had another that perp killed me. The sad reality is that is a real possibility.

I don’t take his lies too seriously nowadays but today’s ones hurt bad. He has denied the assault in Feb, says he didnt lay a finger on me only to get me out of the house to protect himself and the kids because I was attacking him. He said come on I’m a big guy and would do more damage with a punch than that.

Yes, yes you would. And I know that from previous assaults you disgusting vile fucking pig!

Women that get beat up by partners are covered in bruises apparently, black eyes broken jaws and shit.

Oh ok is that all that happens is it?

What about the punch to the chest 2 days before our honeymoon? You know when I could barely fucking breathe? You dropped me straight to the floor in the garden with that punch. That was after dragging me around the house, conveniently forgot the dirty black bruise on my thigh from that, you know the one we talked about many times on honeymoon? The one that took over 2 weeks to fade? How sorry you were and that it shouldn’t of happened.

What about the lump on the back of my head too where you pushed me into my shed when I was trying to get away from you, oh sorry I must of fucking dreamt it all CLEARLY YOU CUNT.

HOW, I mean fucking HOW can you dare speak those words after years of hurting me?

The punching, the kicking ( yes yes I do have fucking evidence of pictures of bruising to back up the fact you kicked me in the chest on that last night as well as everything else you cunt) the biting, the pinning me down, picking me up my the throat, throwing phones at my head (yes again evidence of the inch scar on the side of my head) throwing tables at me, chairs, toys, keys, the car jack when I was pregnant with MY son, the car stereo the night you nearly broke my arm, pretty much throwing anything in sight including the bin. You know how many god damn motherfucking bins I have replaced in the last 12 years after them being fucking lobbed at me?! Dragging me by my hair, pulling me and throwing me around like some sort of rag doll. Spitting at me, throwing cups of tea at me, tipping the bin over me, pouring shit over my head.

Again, I must of dreamt it all I really must of.

You sick evil vile waste of human air. No single person in their right mind would EVER do that to someone they propose to love. Most people wouldn’t even do it to a stranger.

I cannot describe the sick feeling in my stomach when I read this shit, I feel so degraded and used. The amount of bruises and cuts and lumps I have hidden over the years but again women who get beaten up have visible black eyes dont they? Some of you cunts are more clever, you do it in places that can be hidden, that noone could see. You think all abused women are walking round looking like a punch bag? FUCKING PLEASE! You thick fucking cunt.

The anger and the hatred consumes me and I cant bare it. I just hope they catch him soon i don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight my mind is just on overdrive with memories and pain.

The question I ask every day is when will this be over? I just want it to be over 😭

Until next time,

B xxx